We were just friends for a long while. Even though we had chemistry. Even though we flirted nonstop. Even though our feelings for each other were obvious.
I thought you were too shy to make a move, too scared, too broken. None of that mattered to me. I was willing to wait a lifetime for you.
I waited for your texts, even though it was frustrating to keep waking up to a blank phone. I waited for you to find free time in your schedule to see me, even though you somehow found the time to hang out with your friends. I waited for you to be ready for a serious relationship, even though it hurt to call you a friend.
I knew how much you had been through in the past and wanted to be there for you when you were ready to love again. I didn’t want to rush you. I thought we had all the time in the world, so moving at such a slow pace did not make a difference to me.
I thought you were going to choose me once you healed from your lingering heartache. I thought you were going to ask me to be your girlfriend once you dealt with your baggage sufficiently enough to treat me right. My hope kept me patient. I believed it was only a matter of time until we became a couple.
I never saw anyone else coming. I assumed you were only interested in me. I assumed our feelings were the same strength. I assumed you were only single because you were scared of commitment and I would be the one to change that for you.
Watching you fall in love with her broke my heart. It made me hate myself for waiting. I should have been the one to make a move. I should have asked you out. I should have chased you while I had the chance. Maybe we would be together if I was more forward, more insistent, more obvious about my feelings.
Or maybe not. Maybe you got together with her so quickly and left me waiting for so long because you never liked me all that much. Dating her proves you are not too broken to love. It proves you were ready for a serious relationship all along. You weren’t waiting to ask me out because you were scared. You were never planning on asking me out in the first place.
Watching you fall in love with her gave me the reality check I needed. It put our almost relationship into perspective. It made me realize a serious, committed relationship was never going to blossom between us. It made me realize how much time I had wasted on you. It made me realize you were never worth crying over.
Watching you fall in love with her broke my heart. I am happy you have reached a place where you are at peace — but I wish you didn’t have to hurt me to get there.
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