If you want to find someone to spend forever alongside, you should keep an eye out for these green flags suggested by Ask Reddit.
1. They remember things about you from previous conversations. Then, when they bring it up, they engage about it even if it’s not their most favorite topic.
Basically, they are more concerned with having a pleasant conversation even if it’s not entirely about them, which in turn makes everybody feel great.
2. When they help someone with no strings attached.
3. When they don’t have to have the full story to help someone.
I accidentally choked on some water (wrong pipe and all) at work. And had shit coming out of my nose, had watery eyes the whole nine. I was looking for a tissue and went into the storage room, where another coworker was looking for something. He is from Hati and is all around a wonderful person. English isn’t his first language but he gets by just fine. When I barge in he immediate thinks something personal is going on with me and jumps to action right away, there were no tissues in the storage room but he turns and says “I get tissue right away stay here.”
I’m starting to laugh to try and explain its literally no big deal and isn’t serious but his demeanor and haste is so endearing to me. He comes back right away and even knocks on the door, when I try and tell him “dude come on in its all good.” he just opens the door and hands me the tissues without even looking in the room. I think he even runs interference at the door to try and give me privacy. While I’m in there it hits me on how much of a good person he is and I feel loved (we have worked together for greater part of a decade). He wouldn’t believe me when I told him it was just water, and was just like “it’s okay I don’t tell.” Such a good dude.
4. When they continue being kind and humble even when getting to a position of authority. People who get warped into something nasty the second they get a tiny bit of power have tiny hearts.
5. They value honesty highly – from themselves and others – but also tact and sensitivity.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but I have found most people seem pretty comfortable with a sort of ongoing background hum of dishonesty in their lives. This is mostly little fibs all day about why they were late, why something didn’t get done at work, how great their life is, why things are other people’s fault and not theirs, why you can’t do X or Y, etc.
Then there are the people who demand total honesty from everyone and blurt out their opinions and judgements freely claiming they aren’t being obnoxious, they are just honest.
To find someone in between is rare and very valuable. I’d say the big green flag is they cop to things right away, explain or apologize, and then just move on – no big drama. Also, they are willing to tell you an unpleasant truth, but in a way that doesn’t make you feel completely shitty. And they don’t talk about their life one way one week and then a different way the next.
6. When they exhibit genuine concern for others and talk about topics of mutual interest rather than focusing on themselves.
7. I like people who pick up trash even though it clearly couldn’t have been theirs.
8. After my mom left my abusive stepdad she eventually met a guy and started dating him and he had several green flags.
He was genuinely interested in mine and my sisters life and actually tried to have a friendship with us.
He actually talks to my mom about boundaries and what is and isn’t ok.
He understood from the get go that my sister and I come first and respected that. My former stepdad didn’t and would try to isolate us.
Instead of yelling at my little sister for messing stuff up, he taught her how to fix stuff.
He taught my sister how to be independent (change a tire, change oil, repair cars) so she wouldn’t need to depend on a man.
He owns up to his mistakes. He actually apologizes, discusses it, and asks how to avoid similar mistakes
He’s a honest dude. My mom doesn’t have to worry about him cheating like my stepdad did. He genuinely loves my mom, my sister, and I and loves coming home to my mom and sister (I’m at college).
Overall I’m much happier that he’s with my mom instead of my fuckwad stepdad.
9. When they actually listen to what you’re saying instead of just waiting their turn to talk.
Alternately – when they do small favors without being asked.
10. When they go out of their way to try and be inclusive of other people, inviting people to their table, engaging quiet people in conversation, etc.
11. When people recognize there is more than one right way to do something. If they can admit their way might be improved by listening to others or watching how other people manage to do something, that shows a level of maturity and compromise that will do them well in a long term relationship.
Additionally, when they are certain what they are doing is the best, most effective way of doing something, they still allow stubborn people to try their method first, or will be patient and polite about communicating their experience. There’s a huge difference between being right, and wanting to always be right. You don’t have to be the person to tell everyone “this is the right way”, sometimes people have to learn it themselves without your input. Anyone that can take a step back and let people live their own lives and chip in when needed or asked, that’s a good person.
12. When you get interrupted by someone else in the middle of your sentence and they make the effort to ask you to continue. Kind of an oddly specific thing but I’ve found that not many people do that and the ones who do make the effort are genuinely caring.
13. When they own up to their shit. They know they fucked up and instead of beating around the bush making excuses for their actions pushing the blame off of themselves, they will own up to it 100%.
14. Gets out of their seat to let a person who needs it more.
Holds the door for the next person behind them.
These small gestures say big things.
15. When they have a Doctorate or are a medical Doctor and they ask you to just call them by their first name. I understand those that say “I went to school for so and so amount of years I earned this title” but in my experiences I’ve found that generally those that ask you to just call them by their first name are much more nice and laid back. Usually show me respect back too. Have had to deal with so many assholes that demand you call them “Doctor”, both in medical field and academia.
16. If they thank the bus driver.
17. That odd little smile from a stranger when something didn’t go to plan (try to pass on the same side of the pavement etc.).
Kinda feels like they know they’re in a scripted play, and someone forgot their line. We’re all in this together style vibe.
18. Humility. Humble people tend to treat others as equals and are less narcissistic.
19. When you talk to someone that you’ve met a couple of times before, and then they ask, “Oh, hey, how’s your mom? How is so and so?” Like… they listened to you a couple of times, then they gave a shit. It’s nice.
20. What they do with shopping carts when they are done.
21. People always looking out for what others need. For example, we were doing some training yesterday that got our hands a little dirty. One of our guys walks to the bathroom and returns with paper towels for everyone to clean their hands. It didn’t even occur to me to do that let alone for others.
Through the week he was always doing small things like that. I don’t know him personally but I would wager he’s a good dude.
22. Someone ASKS if they can pet a dog before getting too close to it.
I LOVE petting other people’s dogs. I love other people petting my dog, too… but he doesn’t react the best if people run up to him. I really wish everyone would ask so I could say “yes, but he is a little skittish, so let him come to you”. He’s never caused an issue, but he has some dangerous body language when people run right up to him and i worry; he’s a Beagle so I’ll just pick him up if I see a particularly rowdy child coming my way.
23. Any parent that takes their screaming toddler out of the restaurant until it’s calmed down.
24. If they move crap out of the road. Tree branches, displaced manhole covers, bag of trash, anything that can cause injury or property damage good people go “you know, somebody’s gotta do it” and instead of expecting taxes to pay for it they just do it themselves.
25. They are able to say “I don’t know”. So many people just can’t say these words.
26. I generally prefer people who appear earnest and sincere over someone great at carrying on a conversation that includes everyone, well. Not that that isn’t something we should all strive to do. But people can be pretty fake and still have that skill.
Even my own preference is a bit flawed, admittedly. Where good conversationalists can make you feel included which is nice. Earnest and sincere people make you feel safe. They are easy to read and understand, and that helps put the mind at ease. It allows me to trust someone before actually building any trust, because I can understand their motives and desires clearly at face value, fairly quickly. And this allows me to understand how they will act or what they will do given a situation.
It isn’t necessarily a mark of a good person persay. But it makes it hard to hide being a bad person.
Truly good people are hard to prove. Someone can pass every test in day to day life. But then drop it all the moment things go outside a certian box. I’ve known many ‘good folk’ who were great, right up until they became roommates, or had money issues, or you add a girl to the mix, etc etc.
27. When they refill the kettle after being last to use it! Even more so in the workplace.
28. They try to improve themselves, rather than tearing other people down. Sure, they can still be ambitious, but they’re not going to do it by sabotaging other people’s efforts, whether or not they’d get caught doing it and even if it would be easier to harm someone else. The mere act of throwing someone else under the bus is just contrary to what they believe.
If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies.
29. Being genuinely interested to the conversation topic. Not many people can do that.
30. Making me laugh not at the expense of someone else. A lot of people get cheap laughs by putting someone else down, so it’s a good indicator that they are a legitimately funny person with a good sense of humor. Bonus points if they are into self-deprecation, too.
31. When a restaurant fucks up your order and you’re cool about it.
32. I’d say people who aren’t afraid to speak highly of other people in public. Especially if they’re willing to talk highly of people whether or not they’re there and whether or not it makes them look better.
I have a friend who makes a lot of little jabs at her fiancé to other people. Sometimes when he’s around, sometimes when he’s not. And it’s not like most of the comments are super mean, but they’re just not very flattering comments. Little things like “ugh, he’s such an idiot it took him forever to ask me out for the first time!” or similar. Every time I hear this, it just makes me cringe a little bit, because if my SO spoke about me the same way, I know I’d be somewhat hurt and embarrassed.
On the other hand, I have a friend who speaks incredibly high of his wife at all times. They’re both really good friends of mine. I remember very distinctly one time when we were at a party, and we were in a circle of maybe 5-6 people just chatting, and he gave the most heartfelt and honest apology I’ve ever heard to his wife about something that I thought was really minor. I was so taken aback and I really admired the way he talked.
I’ve always tried to copy this. For example, one time my SO and I were snorkeling, and she saw some urchins and got really scared. So I turned around to help her and ended up losing my snorkel in the process. When we got back, I could have told people “Ugh, so-and-so freaked out so I had to help her and then I lost my snorkel”, which probably would have made her feel worse. So instead I made sure to always just say “Yeah, I lost my snorkel by accident”, which kinda makes me look worse, like I was incompetent or couldn’t keep track of it.
33. They consistently put others first. Examples include: holding doors for others, serving others food before themselves, etc. It’s something I’m working on myself as I can get in my own little world sometimes and be a little self absorbed.
34. When they are drunk, at their most honest and least inhibited, they say good things. They say things like “I love you” and “My mom is awesome” and “Thanks for your help” and “I have such good people in my life,” rather than going on angry rants or spouting racist or sexist bullshit.
When they are angry, not just annoyed but amazingly pissed off, they still don’t fight dirty. They don’t use racial or homophobic slurs, don’t threaten violence, just talk about how pissed off they are.
35. Work specific: if they are friendly and humble towards colleagues, regardless of seniority, i usually find that they are genuinely nice people.
Negative points though if it’s done with arrogance
36. Whenever someone ‘wins’ an argument, their response is always very telling. Normally people are kinda smug and in your face about it, where I tend to find people who are just happy to drop it and move on/educate on the matter without raising their temper to be much kinder people
37. When they help even if there’s no downside to not helping.
There was one time I got to my dorms too early after break (around 3AM) and the doors to get in were locked and could only be opened from the inside. Couldn’t call an RA till 8 in the morning. Stood around wondering what the hell I would do when a friend miraculously appeared at the door. Turns out he was gaming and saw me through the window. I didn’t know he was there, so wouldn’t have been hard to ignore me.
He came anyway.
38. How people treat what is perceived as lower skilled workers, i’m my partner didn’t treat people serving her in a decent way regardless of the profession i’d be furious.
39. They smile back at strangers.
They’re nice to children and animals.
They listen when people speak.
40. In a friend group, if the guy that is more rich/Earns more money knows that he has a better economy than someone else in the group who earns less, pay for the lesser earning guy and is completely fine with not getting paid back.
41. Shrugging off inconveniences. When someone is in a situation where no one could blame them for being angry but they choose to not get mad, that says a lot about their priorities and emotional control.
42. If they take the time to apologize to someone even for something incredibly minor. Making sure they feel okay. I fell head over heals for my crush when she did that.
43. When they ask you questions back. It doesn’t have to be an equal amount of questions back and forth, but when someone lets you ask questions and then thinks to ask you too, it shows they are thoughtful and care. Especially if that person has more power than you (and talking to you won’t get them anything useful).
44. Someone who waits for people disembark from public transportation before boarding.
45. I always consider being on good terms with their ex’s and not smack talking them, still respecting their privacy a huge green flag. It’s really rare these days. Nothing more unattractive than a guy harping on about his ‘crazy ex’ or giving you compliments like ‘wow you much better at Xyz than my ex’, i also don’t want to hear about that embarrassing thing that happened to your ex, how bad she was in bed, the weird thing with her body or about her irrational fear of the dark.
46. Being able to admit when they are wrong. For some reason 90% of people i meet and 99% of people i interact with online cannot admit they were mistaken or made a mistake. I mean you see people that got a misspelled tattoo saying oh no sometimes it is spelled like that or I meant it to be spelled that way ironically. Bitch please. Good mature people say oh shit my bad. And there’s nothing sexier than saying, “I was wrong.” It’s so rare. Good sexy people admit they are wrong. Become one today!
47. Being kind to animals.
48. They clean up a mess they made in a public place. Like wiping up a spill from a gas station soda fountain, or clearing out their own table at a fast food restaurant and picking up the food the toddler threw on the floor.
49. When they take direct, unmitigated responsibility for making a mistake. “That was entirely my fault. I’m sorry. What can I do to help fix this?” That person is less likely to lie to you to preserve your relationship, and won’t blame shit on you when it goes south.
50. Whether it be at work, or hanging out with someone, if you are approached by a person/stranger and in the conversation they look at both of you and engage both of you in conversation instead just one.
More Info: thoughtcatalog.com