WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—One day after Melania Trump pronounced herself “the most bullied person in the world,” millions of American voters vowed to put an end to her suffering in 2020.
In interviews across the country, sympathetic voters promised to do everything in their power to insure that, as of November, 2020, Melania would no longer be the target of the vicious bullying that has made her the most persecuted human on the planet.
“I never realized just how much she was suffering as First Lady,” Carol Foyler, a voter in Lansing, Michigan, said. “It’s up to us as voters to rescue her.”
“It was devastating to learn about the torment Melania has been subjected to,” Harland Dorrinson, a voter in Scottsdale, Arizona, said. “I wanted to reach out to her and say, ‘Hang in there, Melania—in two years, no one will ever bully you again.’ ”
But Tracy Klugian, of Akron, Ohio, echoed the views of many voters by saying that she wished Melania’s ordeal could end “much sooner” than 2020.
“If only this nightmare could be over tomorrow,” she said. “As Melania would say, that would be best.”
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