13 Hilarious Tweets That Will Make You Feel Pretty Darn Good

(Source: www.collegehumor.com)

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“Making your way online today takes everything you’ve got. Taking a break from real life sure would help a lot. Wouldn’t you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where no one knows your screenname, and they never know you came. You wanna be where you can get see some jokes that aren’t lame. You wanna be where no one knows your screenname.”

1. He got REALLY messed up by Call Me By Your Name (if you don’t get that, just google “Call Me By Your Name peach”)

James? I havent heard that name in years pic.twitter.com/WIe13ai7N0

— KAONASHI 🖤 (@CAMSQUIAT) April 2, 2018

2. They just got married because she found out she’s carrying a water bottle.

im crying im so happy for them pic.twitter.com/WNxmnQxswY

— lucas (@lostboy) April 2, 2018

3. YOU WANT REGULAR FACES? GO TO CBS.

welcome to FX, motherfucker. whats good? you tryna see some regular ass faces? i don’t think so, playboy. take that shit to USA. we doin’ drug faces only in 2018 pic.twitter.com/aXjFJXsate

— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) April 4, 2018

4. This is what Indiana Jones 5 will be about.

If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.”

— ᴬ ᵀᶦᶰʸ ᴮᵉᵉᶠˢᵗᵉᵃᵏ (@TenderBeefsteak) April 3, 2018

5. As a former bus boy, let me assure this guy there’s no way anyone’s beating me to that burger.

For my health I’m gonna cut out red meat with a few exceptions (holidays, family dinners, whenever I feel like eating it, if a stranger at a bar doesn’t finish a burger and I get to it before the bus boy)

— Stavros Halkias (@stavvybaby) April 2, 2018

6. Gonna be pretty embarrassing for the messiah to lose to Star Fox

Jesus Christ confirmed for Smash Bros pic.twitter.com/WGyfbHSrh0

— Ewzzy (@ewzzy) April 1, 2018

7. Not only did the movie bomb, but…

Mariah Carey’s Glitter has the grimmest Wikipedia page for a film I’ve ever seen. pic.twitter.com/QxO00XSXTo

— Dan McQuade (@dhm) April 1, 2018

8. You have made a grave enemy this day, Dunkin’ Donuts.

Dunkin Donuts: Sorry, we’re out of chocolate glazed. 

Me: [about to lose it] No Mark, save this feeling. Use it for your art.

— Mark Magark (@markedly) April 4, 2018

9. I finally believe.

For those who don’t believe in GHOSTS.. Watch this video of an infrared camera recording a spirit leaving a ladies body .. pic.twitter.com/ZKciS30KZU

— P A T H A N (@ifz5star) April 2, 2018

10. HMMMM NO CLUE???

What is the answer! Please help me! pic.twitter.com/zkIrs158qQ

— 🍂 Anna Spargo-Ryan 🍂 (@annaspargoryan) April 4, 2018

11. FINALLY.

When you’re a “Men’s Rights Activist” and you finally get your “rights”: pic.twitter.com/mxmooAVb7A

— Tuxedo Mask (@TheLoveBel0w) April 5, 2018

12. Seems a little mean-spirited.

The end of ‘Finding Dory’ on Sweden’s Netflix is, by far, the greatest movie moment in cinema history. pic.twitter.com/SXLWjLhZRB

— Luke Mathews (@Floppy_Ragdoll) March 31, 2018

13. Hmmm yes hello there President James Buchanan

historians: this man died without marrying and with no children or any romantic interests but he did live with his male best friend most of his life and they had a very close friendship
all the gays around the world: pic.twitter.com/rZQhyv5xAX

— andile (@INDIEWASHERE) April 8, 2018

More Info: www.collegehumor.com

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