Money Matters

Starbucks Just Took Its Assault on Christmas One Step Too Far


Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 

First there were the irreligious Starbucks Holiday cups.

That charade seemed to go on for years.

Then there was the sad attempt at penance. With strange Holiday cups that were sort of Christmassy, but half-finished

Some saw troubling signs in those too.

So the coffee chain released another lot of Holiday cups, this time requiring you to put the name of the one you love on them.

Well, that could cause controversy, couldn’t it?

And now it’s gone one step too far.

Starbucks is releasing a Christmas Tree Frappuccino.

I ask you. The holiest family symbol, the place where we all gather to religiously celebrate our commercialism at Christmastime, is being besmirched by a sickly heathen drink.

Worse, this is no virgin birth.

It’s essentially a Peppermint Mocha Créme Frappuccino with a bit of green cream and a few bits of drizzling this and candied that all over it.

And then there’s that strawberry on top.

A strawberry.

A strawberry is cheaper than an angel? 

If that isn’t a direct strike against celestial policies and laws, I don’t know what is.

Check out this beast that is the Christmas Tree Frappuccino

— Joe™ (@TanookiKuribo) December 6, 2017

And just look at it.

Just look at it.

The Starbucks Christmas Tree Frappuccino is happening! Here’s what it looks like.

— POPSUGAR Food (@POPSUGARFood) December 6, 2017

Does that look like a Christmas tree to you?

Or does it look like Jackson Pollock had one too many and an ugly deadline?

Or like someone had an accident with the hummus?

Or like the work of a Top Chef contestant who really wants to be back with their family and cannot stand the way Padma looks at them? 

What Christmas-related nonsense will Starbucks release next? 

A lemon loaf that’s supposed to look like the Nativity Crib?

A croissant that symbolizes the headgear of the Three Wise Men?

A double-smoked bacon, cheddar and egg sandwich that’s supposed to look just like Heaven itself?

My fellow Alabamians….

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