Money Matters

In a Stunning Announcement, McDonald’s Just Revealed What’s Going to Be on Its New Dollar Menu


Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek. 

What does $1 get you these days?

A tip from a Starbucks customer, if you’re lucky. 

Who, though, cannot be riveted by the sudden return of the McDonald’s Dollar Menu?

This was traditionally a staple of the American diet. This was also traditionally not very good for you.

Hark, then, at the twists McDonald’s has inserted into its new Dollar Menu, which debuts immediately after you’ve completed your New Year’s sobering-up process.

So that’s January 4.

This Dollar Menu isn’t, well, just a Dollar Menu.

It’s a $1, $2, $3 Dollar Menu.

Let’s start (by scraping) at the bottom. 

$1 will get you a Sausage Burrito, a McChicken sandwich, or a Cheeseburger. Or, of course, any soft drink. 

(You try leaving a Sausage Burrito as a tip at your local Starbucks and see how that works for you.)

What about $2?

Well, I suppose it gets you two McChicken sandwiches. 

Alternatively, you can have a Sausage McGriddle, two pieces of Buttermilk Crispy Tenders, or a Bacon McDouble. Or, quite naturally, a McCafé drink.

And if you really want to live the high life, what do three single dollars achieve for you?

The answer is a Sausage McMuffin With Egg, a Triple Cheeseburger, or, Good Golly Miss Molly, a Happy Meal. 

Three dollars will buy you happiness. That’s something that ought to be taught at every single charter school. And at other fine schools, too.

Oh, but there’s one more $3 delicacy. The new Classic Chicken Sandwich.

This has been updated to include, you know, chicken. (That was humor. At least, it felt like it.) No, this will include a buttermilk chicken filet, pickles, and what I’m reliably informed is “some kind of sauce.”

A reasonable question might be: “How on earth are franchisees going to make money on this?”

Some might enjoy these prices while there’s lots of advertising for them. But once those ads have gone, will the cheap — I mean, value — prices be gone too?

The game, of course, is to put pressure on rivals such as Taco Bell and Burger King to squeeze their own margins. Which might prove a touch messy.

Races to the bottom are rarely pretty.

It seems that everyone comes up bloodied. Or is that just ketchup?

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